Merry Fucking Christmas

I have two sisters, who I call Good Witch and Bad Witch.  Good Witch is seven years younger than me and adopted three special needs kids about 13 years ago.  Bad Witch is a bitch.  Anyway, more on them later. 

Today is Christmas.  I am sitting in the Fairfield Inn in Tuscaloosa, AL.  I chose to stay here because no one had room for me at their inn.  Thanks Family.  My daughter got engaged on Christmas Eve. Good for her - worst mistake of her life.  More on that later. 

This morning we met at Bad Witch's house to open Christmas gifts.  Bad witch's husband owns a jewelry store and Bad Witch shopped for all of mama's gifts this year because mama can't remember shit.  More on that later.  Turns out that mama gave Good Witch the balance of her Disneyworld trip in January (God knows how much that was), and she gave Bad Witch money for her trip to London with her family.  I got a $100 bill. 

Good Witch and I went to the convenience store at some point during the dysfunctional gathering and I found out about the Disney trip pay off.  I almost shit in my pants, because Good Witch was so broke she literally had no food in her pantry for her kids. My stepmother, who hates Bad Witch as much as I do, informed me of the London money.  Bad witch needs money for London like she needs a hole in her head.  She's loaded.  Mucho loaded.  Super Mucho loaded. 

Now, Bad Witch is the executor of mama's estate, which is fine.  She makes all of mama's decisions anyway, or influences her enough on which way to slide that mama eats her crap like a dog going to a bone.  Bad Witch has told me more than once that mama was going through her money fast as lightning and if she kept up this pace she wouldn't have enough to afford a long term care facility without selling posessions.  Bad Witch purchased all of mama's Christmas gifts, because it would have sent mama in a complete tizz to get out in the crowds.  Don't be fooled - Bad Witch purchased all of mama's Christmas gifts to make sure that mama didn't spend a million dollars on them. 

I decided to call Bad Witch and ask her why mama was giving Bad Witch and Good Witch over $1500 a piece on Christmas and why I received a $100 bill.  Of course, although Bad Witch was receiving funds for London, it didn't matter because she was going to take it and suck it up like a Hoover vacuum cleaner.  After all, that was more of her mountain of cash she didn't have to spend.  Bad witch immediately went into all defense mode when I calmly asked her about this and ended up screaming at me.  Woah mule - I was just calling to find out some facts.  I could accept the answer, just needed one.  She instructed  me to call mama and find out.

Evidentally Good Witch conveniently "mentioned" to mama and Bad Witch that I knew about the Disney pay off, which made sense that Bad Witch and mama had their guns loaded and ready for me when I called.  Anyway, I called mama.  She said that she had bailed me out many times and that she had "allowed" my daughter and granddaughter to come and live with her and that I had never given her a thank you for any of it.  WRONG.  I asked her when was the last time she had helped me financially and she said when I moved in Mississippi.  Now in May I moved to Mississippi but no one helped me - I paid for everything myself.  Then it dawned on me......she was talking about when I moved TWENTY FUCKING YEARS AGO.  About how my daughter HAD to move in with her when I asked her to leave my house ( more on this later) and how she had spent thousands on her.  When I politely told mama that whatever she had chosen to do for Ashley had nothing to do with me (I mean I was not in the loop at all), she told me I was ungrateful.  She told me that she had even taken Ashley to London (like I suggested it and asked her to take her), and when I mentioned that it was her decision to take Ashley to London and I didn't have a thing to do with it, FIVE YEARS AGO, she got more defensive.  Talk about a grudge............shit mama.  OK.  You are not only losing your memory but evidently your mind.  Of course I'm sure that she had pow-wowed with Bad Witch about this, proof that Bad Witch is clearly a bitch.  From hell. 

It's not fair.  I'm torn about mama because I think she really has alzheimers and Bad Witch tells her when to go to the bathroom.  I am not, however, torn about Bad Witch.  She has now made it proof positive that no one really wants anything to do with me, something that hurts me badly.  I won't say this for sure, but I think I've really spent my last Christmas with the Dysfunctional family.  It's simply not worth the mental hell.  I mean I'm on food stamps and receiving pharmaceutical assistance now...why does that make me less deserving than a sister who has money to burn and one that feeds her fat self and her fat kids fast fat food 14 times a week? 

It's not about the money.  It was about the way I was attacked.  The way I was spoken to like I was some kind of fucking ax murderer.  It was about the way mama asked me "Kim, what the hell do you want?"  and them hung up on me, like I was trying to extort money from her.  It is wrong to wish they have guilt about this, but I doubt they will.  You see, Bad Witch justifies stuff in her mind and there is no going back and forth.  She is convinced she is right, and that's that.  No wonder no one likes her and she has no friends.  God bless her children.....they stand no freaking chance. 

I hope that they can live with themselves.  I don't know how they do it.  They have no idea and don't care what I've been through this past year, only how they view and judge me.  It's ok.  I don't hate them for that.  I've made my mistakes, most of them TWENTY YEARS AGO.  I've made a few since then, but so has Bad Witch.  And Good Witch.  and mama.  I pray for peace this Christmas, and that God will grant me with the ability to carry on with strength.  And diplomacy.  And to lead me with the right heart in his direction as mama gets worse.  Because it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done.  I'll be walking into the frying pan and I know it.  I honestly don't know what I'll do.  But that time is not here yet.  I'll walk confidently in that direction knowing that I have a clean heart because at least I asked about this and received an answer, although it was not the one I wanted to hear.  Maybe I needed to hear it.  Maybe this knowledge will give me some kind of strength to deal with Bad Witch in the future.  Maybe some people in my family need serious therapy.  Nope that last one is definately not a maybe. 

Merry Fucking Christmas.